| 12 days of Christmas (Santa Cruz style) | |
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THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS.... SANTA CRUZ STYLE... On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me: TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note), TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.5106/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| 1970 and year 2000. | |
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Isn't this the truth!... 1970: Long Hair 2000: Longing for hair 1970: The perfect high. 2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund. 1970: Keg. 2000: EKG. 1970: Acid Rock. 2000: Acid Reflux. 1970: Moving to California because it's cool. 2000: Moving to California because it's warm. 1970: Growing pot. 2000: Growing pot belly. 1970: Douglas Street bridge. 2000: Dental bridge. 1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents. 2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children. 1970:... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4565/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| 4 new fathers | |
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Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man, "Congratulations, sir. You're the father of twins!" "What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins Baseball team!" Later the nurse returned and congratulated the second father on the birth of his triplets. "Wow! That's incredible! I work for the 3M Corporation." An hour later, the nurse returned to congratulate the third man on the birth of his quadruplets. Stunned, he... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.5803/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| 50 Ways to Appreciate Life | |
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1. Watch the sunset-- on a sled. 2. Smile more, --it might get you a free beer. 3. Complain less. --It might get you a free beer. 4. Surprise a friend with a call. -- It might get you a free beer. 5. Develop your gifts. -- You might need them. 6. Count your blessings. -- You might need these too! 7. Talk to someone in an elevator. -- Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer. 8. Breathe consciously once in a while. -- This cures snoring. 9. Enjoy sneezes -- and stay behind the one sneezing. 10. Appreciate... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.3905/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| A Cynics Guide to Life | |
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The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and... Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill. Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4628/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| A Networkologist's Christmas | |
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"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown. I was stuck at the office. The network was down. The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed. Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed. Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun, Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run On 84 desktops way down in accounting. I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting. When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I saw that a server had something the matter. There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4481/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| A Night Before Christmas Parody (Technical Version) | |
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'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Musmusculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St.... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.3313/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| A REALLY Bad Day - True Story! | |
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A REALLY Bad Day So you think you're having a bad day. The following is taken from a Florida newspaper: A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.5179/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| Absent Minded Husband | |
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Anniversaries and birthdays Complicate my life. I'm an absent-minded husband Of a present-minded wife. [Details] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4902/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| All I want for Cristmas... | |
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About two weeks before Christmas, a little Catholic boy decided to write a letter to Santa. He started "Dear Santa...", he thought "No, I will go to a higher authority", so he decided to write a letter to Jesus. "Dear Jesus, If you get me a bike for Christmas, I will be good for two weeks.." "NO NO NO NO I can't be good for two weeks", he thought to himself. So he started all over again... "Dear Jesus, If you get me a bike for Christmas I will be good for one week." "NO NO NO NO I can't be good for one week", he thought to... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4886/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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