| 14 Things to do While Taking a Driver's Test | |
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1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand. 2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, "buckle up!" 3. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of saran wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat. 4. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say "oops". 5. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "now which one is the gas again?" 6. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.3607/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| 50 things to do in an elevator | |
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1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" 4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 5. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. 7. Shave. 8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 9.... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.5219/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| A bunch of better idiots! | |
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These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented. "Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?" "Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses") "I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?" "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha...what a... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4712/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| A few way to handle stress! | |
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Stressed out...try some of these relaxing tidbits :) 1. Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out. (This one is great to teach neices and nephews!) 2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill. (Even better to call after doing it and say you didn't authorize it and want to know what the hell is going on!) 3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. (This one keeps cats and men occupied for awhile.) 4. When someone says "Have a nice day" tell them you have other plans. (Like going the store to stock up... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4836/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| A-fishin' We Will Go... | |
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Seems about a year ago (1998) some airplane manufacturer employees decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's. They got it off the plane, out the gate and were having a good time fishing on the Stilliquamish. All of a sudden the Coast Guard Chopper came wop-wop-ing in, homing on the emergency frequency locator beacon that was activated when the boys inflated the raft at the river. (Note: The boys are no longer with said aircraft company.) [Details] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4650/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| Agnostic Insomniac Dyslexic | |
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What does an agnostic, insomniac, dyslexic do? Stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog. [Details] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4114/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| Artificial Insemination | |
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A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4583/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| At the crazy farm! | |
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A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet. The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor. The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?" "Oh. He's my... [More] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.5931/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| At the shoe store... | |
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A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. "Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says. "Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." (DOH!) [Details] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4571/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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| Bad eyes | |
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A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why's that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes." [Details] Comments: 0 Avg. rate: 5.4443/10 Rate It: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 (Great!) |
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